It is tempting to take what you can get from your breakup, and in many instances this means accepting the role of friend with the ex. You only do it because you think it will keep you close, but in reality it makes it harder to get them back as a lover.
There is a subliminal feeling in the word “friends” that stifles all hopes of romance before they even begin. You are basically giving the ex a free pass to use you for as long as they want. Since they dumped you it is obvious you still have feelings of attraction, and since you agreed to being friends it gives them the chance to keep you close while they “play the field”. But the worst part is you can’t complain about it because you agreed to the whole thing!
So what should you when the ex wants to be friends? The best scenario (assuming you want them back) is to ask for some time. Just tell them that the breakup has been hard to deal with and you just need some time to think about things. This is the perfect response because it puts you in the position of power. The ex wanted something from you (friendship) but you told them to wait. Now they get to feel what it is like to get rejected from something they want!
Now as time goes on you simply continue to avoid discussing the friends issue. If the ex brings it up you can say you haven’t decided what is best for you yet. While you are playing this game you’ll want to keep your relationship with them positive. Always greet them with a smile and act like it is the best day ever. Keep your conversations short and make sure you don’t share too much about your social life…you want to create some mystery to build the attraction.
It is going to take some time to get the ex thinking about you in a romantic way….the key is to have fun with it. Don’t be intimidated by their presence and don’t be shy about asking them to join you for a night out. Again, the more you can confuse them by sending mixed messages the better chance you have of attracting them back. It may sound a little devious, but then again you never said you were over them – right?
Notice through this whole process the whole “friends thing” never materializes. You stood your ground and kept the ex content by leading them along. See how easy it can be? There is no reason you have to be friends with the ex in order to stay in touch with them. You can still work on getting them back in your life without giving up your right to flirt and have fun.
So the lesson here is to leave the ex hanging if they want to be friends. Don’t say no…and don’t say yes. If you can stop them from getting what they want you’ll have a much better chance to get what you want!
