How to Use the No Contact Rule with Your Ex

by Elliot on February 22, 2011

Those of you who have started looking for ways to get back with your ex have undoubtedly come across the “no contact rule”. It says to avoid contact with your ex so they can have time to miss you.

This really is good advice for the simple fact that a little time away will help both sides get a hold of their emotions. So many bad things can be said or done while our emotions are peaking, and allowing some space to cool down can prevent that. But does the no contact rule work for everyone?

The simple answer in “no” because every relationship is different. Some couples might have ended their relationship while drunk and screaming at each other. On the other hand, there are relationships that slowly fade away with little or no argument from either side. This is why you need to follow some simple rules if you are thinking about when to contact your ex.

1. Do they want to hear from you?
Try to picture yourself calling your ex right now…how would they answer the phone? Are they likely to hang up on you or send the call to voice mail? If you are in a heated situation where tempers are still running high then it makes no sense to call them. Now if you think they will take your call and actually give you some time to talk then you can move on to the next rule.

2. Do you have something to say?
This is where many people fail. They are so anxious to call their ex and hear their voice that they forget to consider what they are going to say. If you don’t have an idea in mind that will completely blow your ex away then you should probably wait until you do. A simple apology is not enough to get them back in most cases. You need to focus on rebuilding attraction from your ex. This takes time and it doesn’t begin with a phone call.

3. Can you call them tomorrow?
By asking yourself this one question you should be able to pause your obsession with calling them. The point here is, do you absolutely need to speak to them today? Is it that urgent of a message? More often than not, what you want to say can wait another day. So give yourself the additional time to think about that phone call. Ideally you want to wait as long as it takes to come up with something that really is urgent enough to get their attention.


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